Independent Pages

   I walk down the halls of my school an outcast, but I happily accept that status. That is what sets me apart from the countless gum-snapping bimbos in too-tight jeans. It also means that I have few friends, and sometimes I’m going to stand alone. Isolation is just a part of life. You have to accept that if you want to continue living on with hopes and dreams and memories.

   My outcast status is by my own doing; I could fit in if I wanted to. But recently, my whole views on the world changed dramatically. I looked at everyone else, and how hard I tried to dress like them and act like them, and how I hated them. I realized that if I continued on the path I was on, I’d become something I loathed. That moment of insight was unbearable. There was another path available, and I took it eagerly.

   So I changed, from a blonde prep to something I don’t know what to label. I ditched the Jonas Brothers for bands like Disturbed and Three Days Grace, dumped the pink clothes for darker ones. This drastic change was possible because I’d rather be hated by others than be something I hated. I embraced the fact that this new path would be so much more difficult than the other one, and that I’d be alone most of the time. That suited me fine. I have been a loner most of my life, and being by myself was mostly what I did.

   I never expected to find friends on this path, much less some of the best friends I’ve ever had. I don’t think I found them; I like to think that they found me, this sad little girl that lost so much hope for herself. Even better, they understood me, and one is even similar in music tastes to me. I had friends, but no place in thier group. That didn’t and still doesn’t matter to me. I’ve gotten more than I dared to hope for. How can I be more greedy, wanting a place to belong? A place is something that is given to few and misused by many, and I don’t want that responsibility. Not that I would say no if it was offered.

   So even though it hurts when I’m excluded, when I’m left alone, when I’m isolated, I console myself that it’s nothing compared to what it could be. Nothing at all. I’m so grateful for what I have now it almost doesn’t matter.

   Almost.

- Kimiri Moon

This entry was posted on Friday, April 2nd, 2010 at 9:48 am and is filed under Blogged Up. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.