Sunday, September 05, 2010 15:32

Archive for June, 2009

Top Five Ways For the Apocalypse

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

     5.  Ben the three-legged chicken from hell will bring back disco and all the world’s polyester suits will burst into flame, burning the world to a nice crisp.  -Kimiri Moon

    4. Everyone sees huge credits rolling in the sky, then The End in gigantic letters. The last thing you register is the clicking of the film reel… -RuneQueen

   3. Your girlfriend says, “No, Honey, I don’t feel like shopping today.” -Cage

   2.  Hannah Montana discovers the Fountain of Youth and never dies. Lord save us all! -HaterGurl

   1.  The world stops spinning on account of an extra-fast spin cycle. -Pittzburg

Review: Disturbed

Sunday, June 21st, 2009

  Today’s review is on the totally awesometabulous band, Disturbed. At first glance it seems like another one of the countless rock metal bands that think they are the only true rebellious souls out there. And maybe they are just another one of the countless rock metal bands out there. But I just happen to absolutely love this one. 

  And there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.

   But anyway, this band really puts the metal in rock. And not the dopey scream-until-we-can’t-hear-ourselves-think rock, either. Listen to it sometime. I reccomend the Indestructible album. That is really music.

Top Ten Ways To Destroy the Earth

Friday, June 19th, 2009

   10. Never fix that leaky faucet. Eventually, like compound interest, it will deplete our water supply and bring about the end of  the world. Drip… drip…

drip…

Destruction-O-Meter Rating: 1.5

    9.  Let your lawn get so overgrown that evolution speeds up and monsters spawn from its jungle-like territory, willing to obey your every command. Lead them into Armageddon!!!!

Destruction-O-Meter Rating: 3

   8. Under ANY circumstances DO NOT CHANGE THE COFFEE POT AT WORK. Take the last drop just as one of your co-workers walks in and swiftly exit the room. They will be so bent on revenge against you they’ll cook up some ridiculous scheme to undermine you that will backfire, destroying the world while you watch and sip your coffee.

Destruction-O-Meter Rating: 4

   7. Build a time machine and send all  your garbage to everyone you hate in the future- and I mean ALL of it. >:^)

Destruction-O-Meter Rating: 5

   6. Become a Mailman and mix up all the mail into the different slots, so that Aunt Bedielia gets some new lawn clippers and John Deere receives a hand-knit baby bootie set. This is very annoying at Christmas and birthdays.

Destruction-O-Meter Rating: 6.5

   5. Raise cows on a ranch and train them to trample animal rights activists to death. How’s that for irony, GreenPeace!!!

Destruction-O-Meter Rating: 7

   4. Okay, there has to be nuclear things in here somewhere. So. Take a nuke and bomb Antarctica. That’ll screw with the government so much…! (…Teach them to ignore me!!!!…)

Destruction-O-Meter Rating: 8

   3. Total existence failure. You have no life and are so depressed that you give up on the cure for cancer and shut your lab down. If you would have waited another 24 hours you would have found it and become an instant trillionaire.

Destruction-O-Meter Rating: 9

   2. Become a florist and only send people the only flower that they are allergic to. 

Destruction-O-Meter Rating: 9.5

  And the number one way to destroy the world?

  1. Make a list of the top ten ways to do anything.

   -Kimiri Moon